I look at other mommies and their blogs and their pregnancy photos and I just begin to envy them.
I feel like they're just so pretty. I'm so jealous! I never really learned to embrace my pregnancy. I felt shy and awkward, and sometimes still do.
I walked around on campus going to class and was stared at like some monkey in a circus act.
I'm not twelve, but I'm not finished with my career either.
I still don't know what I'm going to do once this baby is out in this world under my care.
Should I go and finish school? How long should I plan to be in school? What about Work? It's so hard to find a legit stay at home job of interest. I'm not a salesperson and I definitely can't host anything since I moved back to my mother's house for help with my soon to be born munchkin.
I never spent hours in a mall at a maternity store. I haven't spent any time at a children's clothes store. I have loads and loads of clothing that was gifted to us. But I haven't had reality sink in just yet.
I haven't had a mommy feeling apart from movements from my peanut. I just still don't know what to believe. Or why. I just want to Gym again, work again, school again and have my nights out. I feel like I'm terrible for feeling this way.
Then I have my moments that I just can't wait to see her in my arms. I can't wait for us to bake and finger paint and build forts and play with bubble in the bath. I cant wait to have my own little partner in crime. My mini-me. <3
I feel like I came into this world with a purpose, but have yet to leave any sort of tracks.
I feel like I have something I need to do.
But I just can't right now. I'm in my room living like an 18 year old arguing with siblings and feeling obliged to do my part as a renter in my mom's home.
I feel horrible for wanting to get away from it, just wanting to live with my little munchkin in our own home. I just need more space other than a room.
But in due time. I know God has a plan for us all and I know my time will come. For me and my peanut to grow and shine :)